…I’m thinking maybe this is some kind of trap. It seems real….but then fat guy in the plaid shirt riding with no hands made me check myself…and when the ginger dude on the pink bicycle starts talking and I was kinda like ‘Woah woah woah…alright, haha, alright you got me!’ This is a spoof right? Right? For the love of God…please tell me this is a spoof.
Bull dot fucking dot shit.
You buy your bike from Urban Outfitters and you’re basically saying ‘I embrace fashion like I embrace the conjoined twin that sprouts from my ass’. You’re saying ‘Do you have the cycle cap that matches this colour way?’. You’re saying ‘OMG can you, like, believe they’ve got a bike that matches my yellow Porsche and my roller boots?’.
Do not shop in Urban Outfitters. Do not ride fixies. Save yourself from the hate and disgust of passers by and drive a fucking Humvee with a polar bear interior instead.
I could probably argue that this clip is an analogy for the entire downfall of Western civilization, that the adoption of bicycles without brakes is a symbol of the regression of intelligence that our oppressive government has precipitated by introducing a cocktail of drugs into our food and water supplies and by broadcasting idiocy into our homes.
However, I think this comment from the kid who uploaded the video says it best:
Does the kid with the blue shirt have down syndrome?
mrtheroosterdude 1 month ago
@mrtheroosterdude dude idk wat hes got but hes fuckin stupid
Basskilla403 1 month ago
Yo peep the truth Harry:
You’re ginger, you’re wearing chick shoes a helicopter hat and oyster catchers, you’re working as a bicycle message bitch in some butthole town in Merrie old England, your brother gets to be King of England and you’re illegitimate, but even after all this…you only get pissed when somebody jacks your fixie?
SON, THAT’S THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU ALL DAY.
…but then I come across shit like this and suddenly I’m all fired up for an update.
Brother man, friend, homeboy, let’s break it down…I don’t have a problem with bicycles. I mean, there are definitely too many triangles in a bicycle frame, and that sucks because I fucking hate triangles, but yo I’m chill because the wheels are round and they offset the triangle shit and make it ok. But you know it’s not bicycles that cause the deep burning gut rotting rage that coils and tumbles and keeps me awake for days grinding my teeth and foaming at the eyes…that shit’s due to fixies. I mean look at this shit, just fucking look at this shit…this shit is bullshit.
Fuck you.
“These portraits were shot by Geoff Waugh around the streets of Shoreditch”
Fuck you Shoreditch.
BUY!
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